The Twists and Turns of Life
Thoughts on Life after 60
My 60th birthday just passed me by and contrary to what was expected of me by myself and others it didn’t feel like a celebration in any way. I cried silently when no one was watching. Letting the side down wasn’t an option — after all the family did their utmost to make this a very special day for me.
I cried for lost opportunities, lost youth, lost passion for life and a feeling of deep sadness filled by heart and soul which is still lingering.
In this youth-obsessed world, the opportunities are seemingly endless for those that figure it out. Although I have decades of experience in the health world from Nursing to Natural Therapies it’s as if I don’t exist anymore due to my wrinkles. My advice is rarely taken and my lifelong ambition to teach that it’s possible to be healthy, vibrant and enthusiastic about life by understanding what has gone wrong and changing it is ignored.
But I felt like a total fraud — I hadn’t achieved this myself — although I had certainly tried.
It seems to be that we go about life in a dream of possibilities and opportunities with advice coming at us from every angle.
“Keep going, don’t give up now, just do it,
you can do anything you want,
the world is your oyster,
dig deep you know the answer,
write down your dream and it’ll happen,
make goals and they will happen,
just believe in yourself and you’ll be fine,
meditation is the answer, as is yoga, as is eating well, as is exercise”
…….These are just some of the catch dries of marketers everywhere….and I have also been guilty of some of these at times.
Life had become a little flat and listless. The enthusiasm for new things and activities was no longer there….it was all just a bit of a grind. I wasn’t depressed but had a deep awareness of mortality, an awareness that life does have an end and many of the things I dreamed of happening are no longer possibilities.
Riding a motorbike across Canada, owning my own little place near the beach, finding a partner, being a little bit wealthy so I could help my kids out with their dreams, not worrying about earning the next dollar, having a successful business just seems a little bit impossible now.
So, I thought, should I just grit my teeth and flatline through the next several years or decades, or gather myself up someway or other, re-educate myself, get a job at the local supermarket……and make the most of the fact that I’m still breathing and reasonably healthy?
Or what?
It wasn’t always like this — it all started last year when a doctor offered me a job at her clinic as a Health Coach — it was so exciting and I thought this was the answer, at last something was working!
How wrong could I be….
I thought it would be a good idea to see her as a patient for some skin cancers I had, she had a quick look at me over the table from a distance of several feet — and stated that “Well, you’re fucked”, “they are going to cut you open and irradiate you” and continued to tell me that I obviously wasn’t serious about living a long life and that no other Dr was going to treat me nicely. She then showed me the door — all up 10mins. I was flabbergasted and had to tell my kids that “sorry kids, I’ve screwed up”
This event impacted my life immensely for a good 12 months. It was although she “pointed the bone” at me and the reality of what a real Nocebo is came my way with its own passion and zeal and huge fears for my future.
It’s not easy to overcome a nocebo, being told that my life is ending now due to my own fault is a bit confronting — even though I’ve been told since by a specialist that this is absolute rubbish, the skin cancers were nothing to worry about and there’s still a lot of life to live.
It had created an instability in my beliefs and personal philosophies that has been hard to shake but has also forced me to redefine myself and my beliefs.
Ultimately it has become a very empowering situation.
Taking on a new challenge has always been a thing to enjoy, but there’s no longer a deep loss of energy and passion, the feeling of fragility and age is no longer an issue.
For those people who have been told the same, I now understand how difficult it is to override something as harsh and ruthless said by a person with full authority and respect in the community. All the more reason to stand up, take control, be yourself and do everything you think is impossible.
Heck — what is there to lose?
originally published on http://www.beinspiredliving.com
